insomnia II

ugh, can you tell i'm having an attack of insomnia? i just got really worked up over how me and casey don't lead a normal 21-year-old's life. we have no friends that we regularly hang out with, we never go out and have fun together, i can't get up or go to bed at a reasonable hour... feh. on and on. i wish i could just snap my finger and everything would work out. i feel like i'm in the gravitron ride they have at the fair, spinning around and plastered to a wall, unable to move. i can't get out of this rut. i read/hear/whatever about normal, healthy, 20-somethings and i am jealous. contrary to popular belief, i am NOT so big of a computer geek that i enjoy constantly being on and around them 24-7, locked in a relatively small room. i want to get out and be free! i just don't know how. it's stifling, i feel like a captive in here. i know i could go downstairs during the day and watch tv there, but i really need something semi-social to social. y'know? i think one of the reasons casey and i are having problems is because we're never around anyone else and it's hard to deal with each others' quirks ALL the time. i mean, he's my best friend, but still. i don't know. i'm going to go outside and smoke a cigarette and then hopefully sleep. unless my mom's up, then i might go talk to her and get mommy-advice. xo