okay, a clean ...

okay, a clean start. i swear i will post every day. this is therapeutic for me, and maybe i'll get to the bottom of why i have such a creative block going on.it's so hot in here. i think tigger is sick, because he's hiding under the desk and he won't sleep in his bed. i'm worried. i have another yeastie infection under my arm, wtf? i just can't make them leave me alone.i've got tons of clothes piled up on the bed that need to be hung. one of my least favorite things to do = hanging clothes. *vomit*i love sitting outside, it's so peaceful. i so wish we had our own yard that i could play in. oh well.

fickle am i

abstract.net is back up. i have a journal there that i've sworn to update every day. i'll update this one occassionally too. probably, at least... anyway, check abstract.net/diary out for daily updates.

scene 2

i am obsessed with this song "andover hospitality" by "mic stylz". it's this white guy rapping to "southern hospitality" and it's just hilarious. he's talking about being a preppie, and his country club wife, and his maxima. haha. fucking classic.anyway, the potatoEs were good. in case you were wondering. i finally got my hair to sit right under my wigs again. since it got longer it's been harder to fit it under there. i totally want to paint my nails red but i threw away all my red nail polish. i think i still have some manic panic "bitch" so i'll just paint them that color. i'm sure you all are so interested in that!i am doing better today. we went for a ride and that helped. i just need to take better care of myself. eat healthier, treat my body right, exercise... all that hard stuff. argh! why do i have so little willpower? i finished a collage. i like it but it looks kinda like a little kid did it. hee hee. okay, enough blabbering. i'm gonna work on a "design" for this page.

laughing in the dark

i'm baaack. wow, that design lasted a long time. hah. anyway, i'm back here until i can figure out exactly what i want to do with my website. now i need to go start making baked potatos for dinner. i'll update more later.

blah

abstract.net is back up. you probably should check my diary there, since i can only concentrate on one diary, and i'll update that one from now on.

bling bling

i think my hormones are on the fritz. i feel all cranky and antisocial, yet at the same time i feel like everyone should cater to me and do whatever i want. i want a cigarette. why am i having such bad cravings? i don't even smoke, really. grrr.

crazy from the heat

i am so horribly conflicted right now in so many different ways. i imagine my head to be a battleground, with all these different women arguing amongst themselves. one second i go her way, the next i go the other's way. i'm a gumby: push-pull-push-pull.living with so many women is exhausting.change is in the air. i know that it's normal for me to be going through this, but it's hard to accept my absolute lameness when it comes to being productive at all. thankfully i'm coming out of it, slowly. the heat was/is making me sluggish, but it's easing up. </p>soon i'll have $250 free dollars and i so don't want to blow it without thinking like i did the $500 i had on my credit card. i'm horrible with the spending shit, i swear. it's so bad. i have no idea why i do it, either.my therapist is wonderful. we did an EMDR protocol on the rape at 19, and i really feel like it's been lifted, it's amazing. i still have such a fucking long way to go, however. that was like, one of the easiest ones to do, honestly, because it was so recent and a lot of it was dissipated by casey's healing powers. :-Pthe way horoscopes are written is awesome. they're so cosmic and beautiful and vague.