$$$$$$$

i got enough sleep last night. i can't sleep again, so i'm up and lonely. i need friends i can call up when i get like this (which is a lot). but i hate being a burden on people. i tend to get annoying, too, and call when people are busy and annoy them with repeated phone calls. sometimes i'm so needy, which is weird because usually i'm an island. moriah and i are going to hang out this weekend, which is awesome because i never "hang out" and i really need cool new friends here. i want to get a tattoo of this, except i want the words to be "rebel girl" instead of "lucky 13". would that be cheesy? click the smooch me link and tell me. i want it on my right arm. i have money coming up so maybe i'll do it. i've been wanting to get another tat FOREVER.i so need a job or a client or SOMETHING so i can earn some money. i really want to weed the lame shit out of my wardrobe and get a few new cute pieces from torrid, but alas, i don't have enough dough. i swear, it is taking every fiber of my being not to be obsessed with the fact that i can't shop. grr. i have so many things in my wardrobe that i HATE but i keep around because casey freaks out if i get rid of anything. maybe i can sneak the stuff out at night. ha ha.now i'm going to browse boring sites in the hopes that they'll put me to sleep. ta-ta.

still here

i'm up again. i got about 2 hours of shut-eye before i had to hightail it to my therapist's. now casey has a shrink appointment, so i've got to be up for that. viva la sleep deprivation!anyway, i'm working on my business plan. i'm going to start my own consulting business to make some extra moolah while i learn enough stuff to become a sysadmin. hey, maybe i'll get lucky and start making mad cash doing the consulting thing and i'll never have to work corporate again! woohoo! yeah, right.it's pointless to work on php today, since i'm so tired it'd just go in one eye and out the other (har, har). so i'm kicking back and drinking caffeine to stay awake. the bed looks so good right now. i can't wait for nighttime to roll around.

for those who care

i switched from blogger to embedding livejournal into the page because i <3 live journal's features. the LJ page is embedded in here using IFRAMEs, so if there's any weirdness, let me know.other than that, it's 6am and i should be asleep, but i'm wired. plus i was working on the site, and i am going to try to get little sleep so that i can fall asleep earlier tomorrow night. god only knows if that will work, but this insomnia has to stop, seriously. i'm doing okay depression-wise, but my anxiety and panic disorders are acting up, which sucks but isn't as bad as being depressed. i don't think i'm manic, either, since i'm not all euphoric (unfortunately!). so don't worry about moi. i'll be fine. and i'm happy, kinda.

pee h pee

php isn't hard to learn. thank god. we went to fry's today and picked up a longer network cable, so now i'm all about playing sims on the bed. i am so lazy.


i have so much stuff i want to buy but not enough money. hopefully my brain will kick into high gear and i can learn a whole bunch of stuff quickly and get a good job soon. i felt better today. i want to travel and visit people who care about me, so i have to earn money. i think more things should be free, like airline tickets and technology. sigh.

arcade-ing

sometimes the internet sucks, because it allows you to meet people who are really cool that you will probably never be able to hang out with regularly in person.


like, i would like to be in person friends with nikki and josh and alysia and rachel and kate, plus a billion other cool people i have met, but it will most likely not happen. sucks. at least i get to talk to them here and on the phone. i wish plane tickets didn't cost so much. NASA should hurry up and finish this plane so i can travel to alexandria, virginia in 30 minutes. fuck.


tonight casey and i went to PAK MANN arcade in pasadena. it was fun. i played dead or alive 2 while these two guys stood behind me and commented on my game. they were totally all like "OOOH SEMI PUNK LOOKING GIRL, DROOL". but i just sashayed away.


now we're about to eat nachos from 7-11 and watch "oh my goddess!" episode 1. toodles.

insomnia II

ugh, can you tell i'm having an attack of insomnia? i just got really worked up over how me and casey don't lead a normal 21-year-old's life. we have no friends that we regularly hang out with, we never go out and have fun together, i can't get up or go to bed at a reasonable hour... feh. on and on. i wish i could just snap my finger and everything would work out. i feel like i'm in the gravitron ride they have at the fair, spinning around and plastered to a wall, unable to move. i can't get out of this rut. i read/hear/whatever about normal, healthy, 20-somethings and i am jealous. contrary to popular belief, i am NOT so big of a computer geek that i enjoy constantly being on and around them 24-7, locked in a relatively small room. i want to get out and be free! i just don't know how. it's stifling, i feel like a captive in here. i know i could go downstairs during the day and watch tv there, but i really need something semi-social to social. y'know? i think one of the reasons casey and i are having problems is because we're never around anyone else and it's hard to deal with each others' quirks ALL the time. i mean, he's my best friend, but still. i don't know. i'm going to go outside and smoke a cigarette and then hopefully sleep. unless my mom's up, then i might go talk to her and get mommy-advice. xo

compooterz

i finally got the laptop online. i'm going to start reading this book i got a long time ago, on PHP. hopefully i can teach myself some stuff that will get me another job. yesterday i was checking out the job boards, and i saw how few jobs are out there that i'm qualified for. it's crazy. my job description is just like, gone. in the short space of 6 months the market went from being saturated with "front-end web developer" type positions to being bereft of them. it's so weird and disheartening. there aren't even a lot of tech support jobs. i'm not sure how easy this is going to be, but i'll keep looking -- and meanwhile try and acquire some more skillZ.